Returning to Work After An Adoption Loss
Returning to work after an adoption loss can be very difficult to endure in the midst of grief. By creating some intentionality around your return to work and leave options after a failed adoption, you might be able to decrease stress associated with an already heartbreaking situation. Creating a Return to Work Plan with your manager/HR partner can help increase the support you receive from your employer and ensure that you are comfortable with when – and how – news of your loss is shared. These steps offer some themes and thinking points to talk through with a trusted advocate, such as a manager or a co-worker, when preparing to return to work after a loss.
Sharing your Loss with Coworkers
Have you shared the news with your manager or co-workers? It’s up to you how much you want your co-workers to know about your loss. If you had already shared the news of your impending adoption at work, it may be easier to tell everyone about your loss so that they do not hear the news through rumor. If it feels too intense to share the news yourself, some people choose to designate a friend or supervisor to communicate the news – and the details you are comfortable with sharing – before you return to work.
If you do decide to share your story, be clear in your communication. Be specific with what you are comfortable discussing with co-workers, particularly if you DO NOT want to talk about your loss.
Be prepared that not everyone will respect your wishes with regard to how you want to talk or not talk about your loss. If you don’t feel comfortable with how a coworker is talking to you about your experience and do not feel comfortable asking them to change the subject, take the issue to a supervisor or someone from human resources.
Exploring Leave Options after Adoption Loss
Consider Your Emotional Wellbeing
Adoption loss is a highly personal experience. Some people feel emotionally unprepared to go back to work and may need more time and counseling to cope. This is to be expected after a loss and is a normal, healthy part of your recovery. Most employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP) that provides free short term counseling visits. This type of counseling may improve your emotional state, provide coping techniques and access to resources that can make a significant difference in how you are feeling about your return to work.
Explore Your Options
Talk to your manager. You may be tempted to keep your loss to yourself, but having at least one person at work who knows your situation and can provide resources on your company’s time-off policies is very helpful.
Ask about a gradual return. If your employer is willing, you could make a gradual return to work. You could start by working at home if your position allows, then return for shortened days before going back to your regular schedule.
Use Sick Leave and Vacation Time. Reach out to your manager, your HR partner, or access your online time off tracking system to find out how much sick and vacation time you have available. Be sure to take the amount of time you need to recover.
Take unpaid leave. The Family Medical Leave Act or FMLA is job protection for your own serious health condition. If you are still emotionally distraught and working with a therapist, they can help you get the time off you need to recover emotionally. Check with your HR Manager to make sure you qualify based on the amount of time you have worked at your employer. They can also help you locate the paperwork to fill out and submit. Your BenefitBump care team is also available to assist with submitting your FMLA paperwork.
Your Care Team at BenefitBump is here to offer emotional and logistical support as you navigate the impact that this adoption loss has on your return-to-work. Please do not hesitate to reach out to your Care Navigator for additional resources. There is no right or wrong way to cope with adoption loss. You will be the best judge of how well you can perform effectively.