Grief After Perinatal Loss

What’s normal? What’s not?

Death or loss of a loved one is one of the most profound experiences one can have. After experiencing a loss of any type, grief is expected even though it may feel uncomfortable and even unwanted. Grief is defined as “The experience of one who has lost a loved on to death” whereas mourning is defined as “the process one goes through in adapting to a death or loss”. While grieving feels uncomfortable and abnormal, its often described as “a normal reaction to an abnormal situation”. When we lose someone or something we love, we can experience a deep sense of grief and longing. Its actually very normal and healthy to grieve. But it can begin to manifest in unhealthy ways. It can be hard to distinguish what is normal and what is unhealthy behavior when we are grieving. Its important to understand both so you can identify if the behavior is becoming problematic and warrants more clinical intervention.

Characteristics of Normal Grief

• Moves in and out of “stages” (such as shock or numbness, depression, anger, bargaining, and acceptance)

• May experience trouble eating and sleeping (either not enough or too much)

• Sadness and longing 

• Guilt or blame 

• “If only” or “what if” thoughts 

Characteristics of Complicated Grief

• Feels “fresh” or “raw” long after the loss 

• Feelings of yearning and avoidance that interfere with adaptation 

• Intense preoccupation and negative thoughts 

• Difficulty regulating emotions 

• Loss of interest or pleasure related to the loss 

Grief reactions will vary by the type of loss, how the loss occurred, cultural influences, societal influences, and others. It is important to know that grief is a natural reaction and is unique to each person. If you have any concerns about yourself or someone else who is grieving, contact your Care Navigator at BenefitBump or a medical professional.