Infertility: Does the journey ever end?
You’re in the thick of it.
Some days you feel like the world is spinning around you and there is no way to slow it down. Other days are filled with difficult and intrusive thoughts. You find yourself wondering: will this journey ever end? A common theme of infertility is that nothing is simple. Not even the answer to that question. Uncertainty is a hard emotion to face, especially when it impacts such a big part of your life - your family.
The bad news: your journey may last a long time (not just through infertility itself, but also from the emotions left lingering). The good news: it won’t always be the same and good things can come from it (even if it feels that that’s impossible right now). From personal experience, I can tell you that infertility and personal growth can indeed be synonymous.
What could possibly be helpful about the infertility predicament you were thrust into? If you believe in any kind of silver lining, read on.
I can’t speak for everyone, but here are a few ways it helped me:
I learned to be a better communicator. The emotions involved with infertility can be painful. Shame, guilt, anger, and fear aren’t exactly the things I like to talk about. But I found out that when I was honest with the people who I felt comfortable opening up to, those people each helped me by validating my feelings, trying to understand me better, or simply by listening. I found out it was important to express my needs so I could be my own advocate. If you think this could help you too, start by writing your thoughts out. What do you want to say to your partner? Your family? Your medical provider? What might be helpful for them to know about how you’re feeling?
It made me appreciate the things I had in my life more than I would have without going through infertility. I was able to recognize how much I cared for and appreciated my partner. I saw how my family was doing their best to be sensitive towards me and how much they cared about my feelings. Eventually, it made me a better mom because I was so grateful just to finally be one.
It made me a great advocate. I find it’s virtually impossible for people who haven’t experienced infertility to truly understand it. With my reluctant understanding came a voice. I have no reservations about telling people they’re being insensitive or that they are just plain wrong. Raising awareness and letting others know they are not alone in this fight has been so fulfilling. If living infertility out loud isn’t your thing, there are plenty of opportunities behind the scenes to help. Check out Homepage - RESOLVE: The National Infertility Association for some options.
Infertility isn’t linear. We all need time to process it, to understand ourselves and our emotions, and to figure out what coping tools work best for each of us. Your journey may not end soon, but I hope someday you can recognize the ways it strengthened you. Give yourself some immediate credit too, you’ve already made it this far!
BenefitBump is here to listen, to advocate for you, and to support you. If you’re currently on a journey through infertility and would like to find out how we can help, reach out to your Care Navigator.