5 Ways to Reduce Parental Shame
Why is it important to address parental shame?
Working parents often feel inadequate when managing the balancing act of career and parenthood. New research suggests these negative feelings can directly impact careers. Working parents who report feelings of shame also tend to be less productive in their careers. In recent years, more women have been leaving the workforce and have reported both higher workloads and increased responsibility at home (Why Women Are Leaving The Workforce After The Pandemic—And How To Win Them Back (forbes.com)). It is more important now than ever to address parental shame.
What is parental shame?
In this article we are referring to parental shame as feeling guilty or ashamed of your career performance or parenting abilities due to compounding responsibilities of both roles.
5 ways to let go of parental shame:
1. Know that you are not alone. Most parents who work have at least some level of shame or guilt about work or parenting. In a recent study 54% of parents felt guilty because they couldn’t fully care for their children and 43% felt guilty because they were focused on their family and not on work responsibilities. Acknowledging that it is completely normal to feel shame or guilt as a working parent is the first step to letting go of these unhelpful feelings.
2. Find a strong support network or emotionally stable mentor. Joining a parent resource group can be a helpful way to reduce feelings of parental shame or guilt and feel less alone in your struggle. Ask a co-worker who also has kids if they wouldn’t mind having a conversation about how they handle the balancing act of working parenthood.
3. Stop comparing yourself to other parents/employees. No employee or parent is perfect. Avoid social media that triggers feelings of shame or guilt. It may seem like other working parents have it all together, but trust me, as a working mom of 3, no one does. Notice when you’re scrolling through social media or talking to a friend, when you start to feel ashamed and examine if you need to take a break from that relationship for a period of time.
4. Advocate for yourself at work. Most employers are aware of the struggles of working parents, and some of them have even been through them. Speaking with your manager about your work responsibilities that feel out of balance can go a long way to relieving your parental shame. Even if your requests can’t be met, there is relief in knowing you have advocated for yourself and your family.
5. Talk it out. As always, your BenefitBump Care Navigator can be a great resource to turn to if you are suffering from parental shame. They have most likely dealt with a similar situation from another participant and can help you find solutions you may not have considered. Friends, family and coworkers can also be a helpful resource.
For more information about parental shame:
The parental shame that haunts working parents - BBC Worklife